Really??? I am OVER IT

I have tried not to vent on here too much about the trials and tribulations of my older kids but, wow, after last night I am still steaming.

Brief back story. . .about 4 years ago, my daughter Tiff got mixed up with this loser bf. He was a jerk to her, to me, in general. They got pregnant and were planning a "happy family" but of course it all crashed and burned -- very ugly ending. The baby thankfully got placed with a wonderful adoptive family, Tiff went off to ASU to get away from this boy, and life has been okay...well sorta, she got mixed up with some other loser but for us that is SOP.

Anyway, flash forward.

Tiff is now seeing this guy again. I have (mostly) kept my mouth shut, rolled my eyes and left it alone. I have my opinions but they are mine. She has a right to make her own mistakes --even if it is the same ones over and over and over and over. . . .

Last night she is out with boy and calls me to ask if they can come over and watch the Lakers game with the family. She immediately knew I was not happy about it but pushed and pushed and pushed. I said I would think about it and talk to Charley...who was at work on a call. So she takes it on herself to text him to ask if boy can come over, oh sure, why not. After all Age is bringing her new bf over too. So she sends me a text, Age's bf is coming over, so its only fair that mine comes too.

Fine whatever.

I tell her since "everyone" else agrees, they sure. . BUT I will be upstairs when he comes. While Tiff can choose to be around this guy, I also can choose to not be around him. This is a guy who treated me like shit, treated my daughter even worse, whose entire family trashed me and my daughter three years ago. Yeah -- to Tiff at 23 that is ancient history, to me, not so much.

Understand,I have practiced family law, and its off shot domestic violence retraining orders for over ten years. I do not believe people can change that much, I do not believe a tiger can change its stripes. People that abuse, mentally or physically, get that from something deep inside themselves, its a personality trait and is part of who they are. Sure some people can learn to control it or otherwise deal with it but I don't want that around me, in my house, or more importantly and what was the other point of contention last night -- around my son.

Tiff says sure you can go "hide in your room" --with all the sarcasm she can muster. But then I tell her Z will be with me and not downstairs she gets really really pissed, "but bub will want to see daddy, and play with all his toys, etc." well you know what, its almost bed and bath time, its not a big deal. Well that really ticks her off.

I start steaming. . .the problem (to me) isn't the bf coming over, its the anticipation of knowing that the girls will get together, get catty, god shes such a bitch etc. Its being faced with one of the major problems I have in the house, everyone else demands we (I) respect their feelings, their beliefs, their ideas no matter how dumb, stupid, reckless, etc they are. Hey, its your life, your choices you get to make them. But when it comes to my choices, my feelings -- screw you, get over it and deal with it. Not one person in the house ---including my husband -- gives a damn about how I feel.

Anyway, big girls come home, Age's bf comes over, I make dinner for Z, laker game starts. Gets late, I take bub upstairs, get him showered and in pjs, get him in bed. I make myself something light for dinner and go upstairs to watch tv.

Much later, Tiff sends me a text that they are on their way, then that she is about to come in.

No problem, I am already set for the night. Take a nice long hot bath and relax.

That should have been it.

Charley heads up after the game. We start chatting -- understand I was having a private conversation with my husband in my room. We had not had a chance to talk about this before cause he was gone when I got home and came home in time to start the game.

I tell him how I feel, that while tiff can certainly date whoever she wants, I don't feel I have to be around it, etc etc etc. I tell him that I really do not want Z around any guy that has ever --ever-- treated a girl wrongly because I am adamant that he will grow up to treat women with respect.

We are just talking when suddenly, and angrily, Tiff slams open our door and says if you want to say something then say it to my face, it took two of us to get pregnant you know, you can't blame him for that. .. and runs off.

I'm like hey, okay, get back in here and we will discuss it, I will be happy to explain how I feel . . ..

Nope -- that would be the mature thing to do.

Instead, she races down the stairs to sisters and sister's bf, and the boy, screaming FUCK YOU, I MEAN FUCK YOU.

Okay, well now I could have just ignored that, walked away, rolled my eyes, but hey this is me. I go down stairs, grab her by her arm, and say lets talk--now --upstairs.

She starts screaming at me, Ashley jumps in, gee that's so rude and inappropriate. . .etc. I'm like hey, you know what? I look at Ash and tell her she damn well expects us to respect her feelings and her desires, right? well yeah. .. but its not fair your mad at boy for getting Tiff pregnant, that was her choice too. . .

I'm like WTF? this has nothing to do with Tiff getting preggo. Whatever. Obviously the girls were "talking" about my feelings, and the fact that I am not entitled to them. I'm like hey, I am entitled to have my opinions and my feelings. . .

So then Tiff starts screaming at me, well yeah, feel what you want, but you have no right to say ugly things, or be mean to him or trash talk him. . .

I was pissed.

Wait just a freaking second. I was in my room, talking to my husband in the privacy of my home. I was not saying a damn thing to his face, Iwas not spreading it around the neighborhood and until you came upstairs and busted into my room, I was not even talking to you, and certainly was not talking in front of other people. (By this time Age had taken bf outside the front to get away from all the drama)

For just a second, I saw on Tiff's face that she had an oops moment, like she realized I was right. Of course that lasted a second and then she started screaming again that she wasn't eavesdropping and I was loud and I didn't have a right blah blah blah

I go outside and apologize to new bf, sorry you had to see that, etc etc. Ash just kept saying "ridiculous", etc. Bf says okay, no worries, etc, probably just to be nice. The girls tell him hopefully that won't keep you from going in the hot tub, etc.

Whatever,

I go upstairs and Charley is mad at me! He starts in on not letting Tiff push my buttons and I shouldn't have gone downstairs etc. WTF!

Fine, whatever, I am leaving! I grab my iPod and go out for a walk, at 9:30 at night. I walk and I walk and I walk, in a strange neighborhood, with tears streaming. I finally walk all the way over to the park, and start going in it then realize, probably not my best move.

The jumble of thoughts in my head, I am sick of this, I am sick of having to support everyone and never be supported. I am sick of no one respecting my opinions, my thoughts, my needs, my wants. Little things. I get my kitchen in the order I want, someone doesn't like it, comes through and moves things the way they want it. Seems like the only reason anyone gives a damn about me is to pay the rent, pay the bills, buy food...otherwise to hell with you. Even my own husband isn't supporting me. Screw that and screw them. I should pack my stuff and leave, let them pay the rent and provide for themselves. Anyway, that stuff and a lot of other stuff streaming through my head.

I come home around 10:15 thinking maybe wandering around in the dark--not a good plan. Charley of course is fast asleep, nice to know he was worried even a second about me.

I am pissed, hurt, sad.... so angry I am still shaking, there is no way I am going to get to sleep tonight. I go into the bathroom and ...then Tiff pops her head in.

Mommy, I am sorry.

I guess I did get through to her in that second.

I took her to her room and sat down with her. I told her thank you for coming in because I was this close to leaving but it meant a lot to me. She had been crying too.

I told her that I understood she had a right to her feelings, her own mistakes etc., but she had to respect that I have the right to my feelings, beliefs, etc. I told her this was not about her getting pregnant, it was about how boy treated her, how he treated me, how he hurt someone I love so much. She said she knows but that was so long ago, he was on drugs then, he had changed.

For her sake, I hope so but I don't have to forgive him, that is my right.

I think she got it, I think maybe we found peace.

She was mad coming home because I said bub couldn't be around bf.

I told her one of my most important things in life is to raise my son to treat women with respect. I will not have him around anyone who has not. That is my right as a parent.

She said she was steaming to start so hearing what I said set her off...I was steaming too because I knew the discussion/fight was inevitable and I knew the issues were going to be no one respecting my feelings.

I guess it got settled, though I am sure I will hear it from the other two girls.

I do feel bad for having a blow up in front of Age's new bf.